More than 40 million Americans use online dating services or dating apps. As is the case when meeting someone new, whether online or offline, it's wise to keep a few safety precautions in mind. Dating apps don't conduct criminal background checks on users, so it's up to each user to determine if they are comfortable meeting up with someone. However, it is important to remember that if you do experience sexual assault or violence while dating online or using an app, it is not your fault.
Online dating is continuing to grow in popularity and constantly evolve. In previous years, websites like eHarmony, Match.com, and Plenty of Fish, dominated the online dating scene. Now, with mobile apps like Tinder, Bumble.com, and Hinge, online dating is transforming to help you find matches easier and faster than before. Legit dating sites and apps have taken steps to verify new profiles and police conversations to make sure singles feel safe and protected. The block button is an online dater's easy out, and the report button ensures that harassing profiles don't have free run on the platform.
Below are some steps you can take to increase your safety when interacting with others through online dating apps and services—whether you are interacting virtually or in person. Like any safety tips, they are not a guarantee, but they may help you feel more secure.
When Connecting Online
Use different photos for your dating profile. It's easy to do a reverse image search with Google. If your dating profile has a photo that also shows up on your Instagram or Facebook account, it will be easier for someone to find you on social media.
Avoid connecting with suspicious profiles. If the person you matched with has no bio, linked social media accounts, and has only posted one picture, it may be a fake account. It's important to use caution if you choose to connect with someone you have so little information about.
Check out your potential date on social media. If you know your match's name or handles on social media—or better yet if you have mutual friends online—look them up and make sure they aren't 'catfishing' you by using a fake social media account to create their dating profile.
Block and report suspicious users. You can block and report another user if you feel their profile is suspicious or if they have acted inappropriately toward you. This can often be done anonymously before or after you've matched. As with any personal interaction, it is always possible for people to misrepresent themselves. Trust your instincts about whether you feel someone is representing themself truthfully or not.
The list below offers a few examples of some common stories or suspicious behaviors scammers may use to build trust and sympathy so they can manipulate another user in an unhealthy way.
- Asks for financial assistance in any way, often because of a sudden personal crisis
- Claims to be from the United States but is currently living, working, or traveling abroad
- Claims to be recently widowed with children
- Disappears suddenly from the site then reappears under a different name
- Gives vague answers to specific questions
- Overly complimentary and romantic too early in your communication
- Pressures you to provide your phone number or talk outside the dating app or site
- Requests your home or work address under the guise of sending flowers or gifts
- Tells inconsistent or grandiose stories
- Uses disjointed language and grammar, but has a high level of education
Examples of user behavior you may want to report can include:
- Requests financial assistance
- Requests photographs
- Is a minor
- Sends harassing or offensive messages
- Attempts to threaten or intimidate you in any way
- Seems to have created a fake profile
- Tries to sell you products or services
Wait to Share Personal Information. Never give someone you haven't met with in person your personal information, including your: social security number, credit card details, bank information, or work or home address. Dating apps and websites will never send you an email asking for your username and password information, so if you receive a request for your login information, delete it and consider reporting.
Don't Respond to Requests for Financial Help. No matter how convincing and compelling someone's reason may seem, never respond to a request to send money, especially overseas or via wire transfer. If you do get such a request, report it to the app or site you're using immediately. For more information, check out the U.S. Federal Trade Commission's tips on avoiding online dating scams.
When Meeting in Person
Video chat before you meet up in person. Once you have matched with a potential date and chatted, consider scheduling a video chat with them before meeting up in person for the first time. This can be a good way to help ensure your match is who they claim to be in their profile. If they strongly resist a video call, that could be a sign of suspicious activity.
Tell a friend where you're going. Take a screenshot of your date's profile and send it to a friend. Let at least one friend know where and when you plan to go on your date. If you continue your date in another place you hadn't planned on, text a friend to let them know your new location. It may also be helpful to arrange to text or call a friend partway through the date or when you get home to check in.
Meet in a public place. For your first date, avoid meeting someone you don't know well yet in your home, apartment, or workplace. It may make both you and your date feel more comfortable to meet in a coffee shop, restaurant, or bar with plenty of other people around. Avoid meeting in public parks and other isolated locations for first dates.
Don't rely on your date for transportation. It's important that you are in control of your own transportation to and from the date so that you can leave whenever you want and do not have to rely on your date in case you start feeling uncomfortable. Even if the person you're meeting volunteers to pick you up, avoid getting into a vehicle with someone you don't know and trust, especially if it's the first meeting.
Have a few ride share apps downloaded on your phone so in case one is not working when you need it, you'll have a backup. Make sure you have data on your phone and it's fully charged, or consider bringing your charger or a portable battery with you.
Stick to what you're most comfortable with. There's nothing wrong with having a few drinks on a date. Try to keep your limits in mind and do not feel pressured to drink just because your date is drinking. It can also be a good idea to avoid taking drugs before or during a first date with someone new because drugs could alter your perception of reality or have unexpected interactions with alcohol.
Enlist the help of a bartender or waiter. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation, it can help to find an advocate nearby. You can enlist the help of a waiter or bartender to help you create a distraction, call the police, or get a safe ride home.
Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable, trust your instincts and feel free to leave a date or cut off communication with whoever is making you feel unsafe. Do not worry about feeling rude—your safety is most important, and your date should understand that.
If you felt uncomfortable or unsafe during the date, remember you can always unmatch, block, or report your match after meeting up in person which will keep them from being able to access your profile in the future.
Sexual assault and harassment are never acceptable and are never the victim's fault no matter what you were wearing, drinking, or whom you were with. The National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE and online.rainn.org) is here to listen and provide resources, and is anonymous, free, and available 24/7.
Wait to Share Personal Information. Never give someone you haven't met with in person your personal information, including your: social security number, credit card details, bank information, or work or home address. Dating apps and websites will never send you an email asking for your username and password information, so if you receive a request for your login information, delete it and consider reporting.
Don't Respond to Requests for Financial Help. No matter how convincing and compelling someone's reason may seem, never respond to a request to send money, especially overseas or via wire transfer. If you do get such a request, report it to the app or site you're using immediately. For more information, check out the U.S. Federal Trade Commission's tips on avoiding online dating scams.
When Meeting in Person
Video chat before you meet up in person. Once you have matched with a potential date and chatted, consider scheduling a video chat with them before meeting up in person for the first time. This can be a good way to help ensure your match is who they claim to be in their profile. If they strongly resist a video call, that could be a sign of suspicious activity.
Tell a friend where you're going. Take a screenshot of your date's profile and send it to a friend. Let at least one friend know where and when you plan to go on your date. If you continue your date in another place you hadn't planned on, text a friend to let them know your new location. It may also be helpful to arrange to text or call a friend partway through the date or when you get home to check in.
Meet in a public place. For your first date, avoid meeting someone you don't know well yet in your home, apartment, or workplace. It may make both you and your date feel more comfortable to meet in a coffee shop, restaurant, or bar with plenty of other people around. Avoid meeting in public parks and other isolated locations for first dates.
Don't rely on your date for transportation. It's important that you are in control of your own transportation to and from the date so that you can leave whenever you want and do not have to rely on your date in case you start feeling uncomfortable. Even if the person you're meeting volunteers to pick you up, avoid getting into a vehicle with someone you don't know and trust, especially if it's the first meeting.
Have a few ride share apps downloaded on your phone so in case one is not working when you need it, you'll have a backup. Make sure you have data on your phone and it's fully charged, or consider bringing your charger or a portable battery with you.
Stick to what you're most comfortable with. There's nothing wrong with having a few drinks on a date. Try to keep your limits in mind and do not feel pressured to drink just because your date is drinking. It can also be a good idea to avoid taking drugs before or during a first date with someone new because drugs could alter your perception of reality or have unexpected interactions with alcohol.
Enlist the help of a bartender or waiter. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation, it can help to find an advocate nearby. You can enlist the help of a waiter or bartender to help you create a distraction, call the police, or get a safe ride home.
Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable, trust your instincts and feel free to leave a date or cut off communication with whoever is making you feel unsafe. Do not worry about feeling rude—your safety is most important, and your date should understand that.
If you felt uncomfortable or unsafe during the date, remember you can always unmatch, block, or report your match after meeting up in person which will keep them from being able to access your profile in the future.
Sexual assault and harassment are never acceptable and are never the victim's fault no matter what you were wearing, drinking, or whom you were with. The National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE and online.rainn.org) is here to listen and provide resources, and is anonymous, free, and available 24/7.
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Editor's note: this story pairs with 'LDS singles find love on Mutual dating app'
Rachelle Riffle matched with a man on Mutual, an LDS dating app, and felt they were hitting it off over online messaging.
They decided to meet up in person. One date turned into another, and they began building a relationship. However, Riffle said he started acting distant, and after two months they broke things off.
A few months later, Riffle came across a shocking Deseret News article stating the man she'd dated had been charged with multiple felonies related to forcing a woman to perform sex acts. He'd met the alleged victim on Mutual, as well.
Dating app dangers
'That's been racking my brain,' said Riffle, a BYU graduate and researcher at the University of Utah. 'That was too close for comfort.'
According to the article, Riffle's ex, James Matthew Cheshire, 30, of Murray, Utah was charged Feb. 21 in 2nd District Court with three counts of forcible sodomy, a first-degree felony, and four counts of forcible sexual abuse, a second-degree felony.
Riffle said Cheshire never harmed her, but while they were dating she did notice 'this kind of intense, simmering anger problem,' which started to concern her.
Dating apps have grown significantly in popularity among Americans ages 18 to 24 since 2013, according to the Pew Research Center. With that growth comes the potential dangers of meeting in person with a stranger found online.
Provo Police Department Sgt. Nisha King said the biggest danger while using dating apps comes down to identification.
'Confirming anyone's identity is a difficult task,' King said. Asiandate free credits. 'How do you confirm someone is who they say they are?'
King said even she has multiple fake profiles online for police investigative purposes.
Cooper Boice, founder and president of Mutual, said safety on dating apps is a serious topic.
'There are some unique things about dating apps and online dating,' Boice said. 'People can start forming a relationship before ever dating. They can have a false sense of security.'
Riffle's other dating app scare
Riffle encountered another man on Mutual who wasn't the trustworthy Latter-day Saint she believed him to be. According to Riffle, she met him in public for their first date, but for their second date the man suggested they watch a movie together in her living room.
Her date soon took advantage of her physically. Riffle said she froze up in panic at first, but eventually was able to push him off of her before it escalated further.
For Riffle's full account of the incident, listen to her story below:
http://universe.byu.edu/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/McKennas-shortened-podcast.m4aRiffle said she did not report this incident to law enforcement because the man stopped his advances when she showed resistance.
Riffle said she strongly believes people have a greater false sense of security while using Mutual than while using other dating apps because, in theory, all the users are Mormons.
'I fancy myself a strong independent woman who can make choices for herself and speak up and who isn't afraid to use her voice,' Riffle said. 'And yet I can become so incredibly naive when it comes to dating apps, specifically the Mutual one, because there's something that makes you feel you can trust someone when they say they've been on a mission and go to church.'
Riffle said she has learned the rough but enlightening lesson to be more skeptical on dating apps.
'I think we're all a little naive sometimes and a little trusting,' Riffle said. 'Because we do feel comfort in matching and talking to and meeting up with fellow members of the church, but that doesn't always make them a good person.'
Another woman's frightening dating app experience
BYU alumna and Sandy resident Tiana Moe also had a dangerous encounter with a man she met through Tinder. Free interracial dating.
In 2014, she had recently returned home early from her mission due to depression and anxiety. She said she was going through a disheartening, discouraging time in her life and didn't care if she walked into a dangerous situation.
So when she matched with a man on Tinder who asked her to come to his place to watch a movie rather than meet in public first, she ignored the warning signs.
'He said that he was … finishing up his undergraduate at BYU,' Moe said. 'There were a whole bunch of things he was saying that made me believe he was a pretty safe guy.'
Moe said she went to his place and sat down with him on a loveseat to watch a movie.
'He gradually came onto me, essentially where he wanted to cuddle, and I was OK with that,' Moe said. 'Then he wanted to hold my hand, and I was OK with that. Then he got handsy, and I didn't say ‘no.' Eventually I stopped him before sex.'
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Moe said after she resisted his advances, the man told her to leave. His handling left her with bruises.
'I'm grateful it happened because it opened my eyes to what could have happened,' Moe said.
She said she did not report this incident to law enforcement because the man stopped his advances when she resisted.
Moe said just a few weeks ago, she matched with a man on Mutual who proposed a similar meetup, inviting her over to his place at night and mentioning he had a projector set up in his bedroom.
'I was definitely not interested anymore and I unmatched him and that was that,' Moe said.
Moe said her experience in 2014 was the exact reason why she automatically said no to this match on Mutual.
'People use (dating apps) to target unsuspecting girls all the time,' Moe said.
Incident procedures
Most dating apps have the option of reporting another user for doing something wrong, ranging from using an inappropriate profile picture to sexual assault.
Boice said he and his employees respond to these reports in a variety of ways, depending on the situation.
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'Let's say multiple people report someone for sexually explicit messages,' Boice said. 'We immediately ban the offender so that they can't interact with anyone else.'
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Boice said when Mutual employees follow up on reports, sometimes they are valid and sometimes they are not.
'Generally we'll investigate it as far as we can and talk with the person who did the reporting to verify what happened and what actions should be taken,' Boice said. 'We do what we can to get rid of the creeps and keep it classy.'
Boice said when Mutual is approached by law enforcement, they work directly with officers to provide all the necessary information they can. He said he heard about the charges brought against Cheshire in a sexual assault case in the news but has not been contacted by law enforcement about it.
King said Provo Police have worked with Mutual in the past. The police's standard procedure when getting information from businesses such as Mutual is to file an administrative subpoena first.
These subpoenas are usually used to get identifiable information and contact information of the accused person, but sometimes police can get the information they need straight from the victim.
'Most of the time the victim will pull up the information on their dating app and show the profile of the person they met and show us their conversations,' King said.
Swipe safely
'The safety of of Mutual users is our number-one priority,' Boice said. He added they employ safety measures, including requiring every user sign up with a Facebook account, to ensure authenticity. Mutual employees review the Facebook profile of each person who signs up to ensure it falls within LDS standards. Single muslim men in america.
Boice suggested all dating app users follow three safety precautions:
Boice added he would encourage anyone experiencing sexual assault to not only use their in-app report feature but also report to law enforcement.
Moe strongly suggested meeting first dates in public places to stay safe.
'If you don't know him or her, you have no idea what they look like, what their intentions are — you don't know anything,' Moe said. 'So at the very least, meet them in a public place, preferably meeting them in a group date.'
Moe also suggested to be wary of people who come off as untrustworthy.
'Follow the spirit, follow your gut, follow your intuition, whatever you feel like calling it,' Moe said. 'You can generally tell if someone isn't trustworthy.'
